Milla and Me

Last week I received an email from my buffet buddy that knocked me off my chair.

“I’ve been doing a marathon viewing of all the Resident Evil movies and there is something about Milla Jovovich that reminds me of you.”

Milla Jovovich?! The super hot former model turned lame actress in bad zombie movies? I was thrilled. The last time I was told I resemble a celebrity was when a “friend” told me I reminded him of Carol Burnett. Carol Burnett doesn’t even want to look like Carol Burnett. “Carol Burnett?!” I hissed at my former friend. “What did I ever do to you?”

Milla Jovovich was definitely a step up. I grabbed a photo of my new doppelganger and thrust it at The Sweetie.

“Does she remind you of anyone you know?” I asked, doing my best super model face.

The Sweetie’s face remained blank, no glimmer of recognition or joy at the realization that he is married to a model look-alike.

“Who?” He asked.

“My buffet buddy said I remind him of  Milla Jovovich.”

The Sweetie looked incredulous, then apologetic.“Hmmm,” he said, trying to look like he was considering it, “I don’t really see it,” he finally shrugged.

I decided I would quiz my friend incessantly when we saw each other face to face. Yesterday we had a date to make plum jam.

I sat expectantly and waited for him to gasp at the resemblance when he could see me so soon after watching the latest installment of Resident Evil.

“So what was it about me that reminded you of Milla Javovich? The bone structure? The somersaults she does while fighting zombies? That luminous skin?”

My friend looked at me carefully and then shrugged. “Actually, now that I think of it, I realize that there was something that was reminding me of you while I was watching the movies, but it wasn’t Milla Javovich after all. I think it was the zombies.”

4 Responses to “Milla and Me”

  1. drollgirl Says:

    boooooooooo! BOOOOOOOOOOOO i hope that friend is no longer your friend! argh!!!!

    carol burnett?!?!?! horror factor ELEVEN! but i might be able to top that. i have dark hair and dark eyes, and i am pretty pale. when i was about sixteen i got my long hair cut in to a very short and wild hairdo. after i got that short and zany haircut, a “friend” had the sheer AUDACITY to tell me i looked like liza minelli. KILL KILL KILL KILL.

  2. cheap girl Says:

    The horror! I’m sure you look nothing like Liza Minelli. Liza Minelli doesn’t even look like Liza Minelli anymore.

  3. Eloise Says:

    Sigh. Friend needs lessons in diplomacy. Or maybe a fat volume of Emily Post.

    To tell you the truth, I’d pick Carol Burnett. At least she’s a legend. And Milla and those movies will end up on the slag heap, most likely. And Carol always looked like Carol. Milla, like Liza, will need to start on the face tweaks pretty soon, if she hasn’t already. I don’t think Carol ever had to worry about things sagging, bagging or dragging.

    Get friend the Emily Post and duct tape her mouth shut until she reads the whole thing! 8)

  4. cheap girl Says:

    I think Carol has tweaked her face! How sad is that? I still love my buddy and he feeds me so well whenever I visit ( I’m easily bought)..