Gwyneth Paltrow is a Fraud

In an attempt to improve my achy joints I decided try to go wheat free for a month. Trying to improve one’s bad joints is a noble pursuit to be sure, but a girl still needs to eat. Specifically, a girl still needs brownies.

In desperate need of a chocolate fix I decided to try Gwyneth Paltrow’s spelt brownie recipe. A friend gave me her cookbook last year, qualifying the gift by saying, “I know you find her annoying and she is a smug bitch but I have to admit that her recipes are really good.” Not one to turn away a cookbook, even one penned by a smug celebrity, I kept the book and have enjoyed some of her offerings. Regarding her brownies Gwyneth claims that, “These are about as healthy as brownies can get, with no flavor sacrifice.”

I have to disagree. Flavour was sacrificed. I noticed. Maybe someone who hasn’t eaten a brownie in a really, really long time (and I suspect Ms Paltrow may be one of those) may not notice, the same way I sometimes panic mid-bite into a veggie burger because I worry that I was given a beef burger instead. I’ll thrust it at The Sweetie, asking him to test it. He’ll take one bite, do a fake cough and say,”That is definitely veggie, it’s just been so long that you have forgotten what a real burger actually tastes like.”

Having enjoyed a batch of regular brownies a mere week ago, I know what a flavourful brownie tastes like and the concoction I made last night was sorely disappointing. They weren’t terrible, I’ll give them that, The Sweetie even commented, “They aren’t bad, kind of similar to yours but with a lot of sawdust thrown in.” But let’s be real. If you bake with spelt flour, agave nectar and maple syrup instead of eggs, sugar and butter, flavour will be sacrificed. There is no need to fib.

Maybe I shouldn’t be taking cooking advice from a celebrity, even an Oscar winner who hangs out with renowned chef Mario Batali and splits her time between London and New York, as she is quick to point out on the dust cover. Maybe I should be a little more suspicious of someone who can look this intense sniffing a box of cherry tomatoes.

I enjoy tomatoes as much as the next person but you won’t catch me looking this soulful around a pint of produce. Maybe I just don’t feel as much. It could be that all the white flour and non-organic produce I have been eating has clouded my emotions. I guess the point of this no wheat experiment should focus more on healthy choices and less on finding brownie alternatives. In the meantime, however, as I am missing loaves of bread and steaming bowls of pasta, I would appreciate it if people kept the lies to a minimum.

10 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow is a Fraud”

  1. Astra Says:

    I have thought Gwyneth a fraud ever since trying her heartily endorsed Dr. Joshi’s detox diet. “I’m sorry, did I just read this right? No coffee for three weeks??” and that was just the beginning! You can borrow it sometime. No wait. I burned it.

  2. cheap girl Says:

    I will never trust anyone who endorses shunning coffee. She’s obviously a maniac.

  3. drollgirl Says:

    she is a twit! a twat! i was on a road trip this weekend with my little sister and my two nieces, and GWENYTH came up. HURL! i asked my sister if she had ever seen gwenyth’s greasy legs on a talk show. sister said no, so i found her a pic. here it is if you aren’t familiar with it!,r:1,s:0,i:75

    omfg who can spell her name?!?!? i refuse to correct it if i have misspelled it!

    let’s get some real brownies now! baked goods without butter and sugar suck!

  4. cheap girl Says:

    Love the pic! Thank you! Hope you had a fun road trip and ate lots of real baked goods!

  5. Eloise Says:

    Did she put Vaseline on her legs?? Maybe she cooks with it, too. It’d be one way to stay skinny – all that food would scoot on through.

    Seriously, I cannot see G. cooking. Or eating. Maybe a blade of grass or two, but that’s it. I don’t see Gwyneth and think food.

    Good for you for giving it a try. I wonder if anyone on the planet would go for them. For some things, there is no substitute.

  6. cheap girl Says:

    I don’t look at her and think of food either. I have my doubts that she cooks, especially when she spoke of her breakfast rice recipe that takes 2 hours to cook ( for breakfast) She wanted to replicate a recipe she enjoyed at a Buddhist retreat (of course). She should stick with rubbing Vaseline on her legs…

  7. Emma Kate at Painted Style Says:

    You said it perfectly! I hate rich thin beautiful celebrities who have never ‘worked’ a day in their lives and have their own website telling people how to be like them! She makes me barf! Ugh!

  8. cheap girl Says:

    She makes me feel barfy too!

  9. Bella Says:

    Gwyneth cooks? Really? I saw her on a show with a chef a very long time ago and I thought it was research for a movie where she actually has to cook. In any case, why does something tell me that any brownie recipe in her back will taste like straw? I think I’ll pass, lady! :)

  10. cheap girl Says:

    A wise choice. Why bother with a fake brownie?