How do these crafty superstars do it? Although I am not really a fan of the Hallmark manufactured romance of Valentine’s Day I do like the idea of making something crafty for The Sweetie and other loved ones.

Alas, my fantasies of my dear ones being dazzled by handcrafted Valentine loveliness are but a pipe dream. The day has come and gone and I have been nowhere near a glue stick or a baking tray.

I obviously have a time management problem. This is not a revelation for me or anyone who knows me but I am still perplexed by my inability to organize my time and juggle a few projects at the same time. I’m especially disturbed when I look at other people who work as many hours as I do, have kids and dogs, and still have time to bake custards, write books, sew their own clothes, grow their own vegetables and commemorate every holiday with homemade goods and hand-rolled truffles. I am childless with a low maintenance cat and my accomplishment of the week is that I am up to date on the latest episodes of Lost and Survivor. Hmm. Perhaps therein lies the problem.

Here are a few Valentine projects I’m sure I’ll do next year when everything will be different:

• Valentine teabag tags from Creature Comforts
• Valentine Heart pins and Sewn cards like the ones from Purlbee
• A love letter like the sweet one from Lucykate Crafts
• Sweet little matchboxes like the one from Inchmark
• Heart paper clips to hold all my projects together like the ones from How About Orange

Next year.

I attended a soap making workshop at my friend’s fabulous Leslieville shop, Nathalie-Roze and Co. It was taught by the lovely and talented soap goddess Amanda, of Simply. We made organic soap while sipping tea and nibbling scones with clotted cream. It was a marvelous combination of tasty treats and crafting.

Being somewhat klutzy, I was a little alarmed when I learned that we would be in close proximity to lye, since it is used in cold-press soap making. I had visions of spilling lye over myself, my skin melting away before I had even finished my first scone. Perhaps we all had the same vision, as everyone seemed to be standing well back when our intrepid instructor stirred her pot of caustic ingredients.

Luckily no flesh was lost and we all came away with custom blended soaps. I opted to scent mine with patchouli essential oil.  Patchouli is one of those scents that people either love (sexy earthy heady delight) or hate (stinky sweaty assault). I have always been a fan, but unfortunately I was a little heavy handed that day. 

Three days later I am left with wistful memories of the other attendee’s soaps, lightly scented with lemongrass and rosemary, while everything around me still smells like a hippy den.

My perfectly adorned yoga buddy did it to me again dammit. First she tempted me with her gorgeous boots and I succumbed. This week she sashayed in wearing a gorgeous Soia and Kyo coat over her yoga gear. Bitch.

I love Soia and Kyo coats from Montreal. Montreal women know how to look chic in the cold. I spent two winters in Montreal but never mastered the artful je ne sais quoi art of tying a scarf just so. I wore most of the contents of my closet and looked like a very un-sexy un-French Stay Puft Marshmallow man from October until April.

I want a new winter coat. In order to endure hellish Canadian winters it seems only fair that everyone should be entitled to a new winter coat (and boots) on a yearly basis, considering it is our uniform for a good six months of the year.

I have a functional puffy coat that resembles a sleeping bag with arms that isn’t winning any style awards but keeps me semi-warm in frigid temperatures. I also have a boring coat that may be nearing its tenth birthday. It makes me feel kind of mannish, but it’s classic enough in a boring mannish coat way. It is, however, starting to self destruct and I have been reduced to a single button. I suspect it was a desperate attempt on my old coat’s part to encourage me to liven things up a little, add some spice to our stale relationship and open my eyes to some new possibilities.

With that and my fiscally challenged bank account in mind, I decided to replace my pinged off buttons with new ones. A new coat can wait. I have pennies to save for a beach vacation, which is much more crucial than being fashion-forward. For now, some shiny new buttons on my old coat will do.

I started knitting a shawl in the summer during road trips. It looked like it would make a cozy wrap for the winter and looked relatively easy considering my limited knitting skills.

It was supposed to look like this.

Recently I decided I’d be extra virtuous and complete it for my sister’s birthday, perhaps redeem myself after my previous failed knitted gifts, including the deformed baby blanket and wobbly neck teddy bear.

Unfortunately, my track record of flawed knitting attempts continues. Although constructing a shawl during a road trip seemed like a productive and crafty idea, my results were a little haphazard and random. Road trip knitting needed to compete with choosing the appropriate music, munching on snacks, and avoiding looking at my knitting because I tend to get car sick if my head is down for too long.

I don’t know why it is so narrow. I thought I counted the right number of stitches. I made it a little shorter than it was supposed to be because I was getting low on wool, but other than that, and the cable pattern that didn’t always happen, I tried to stay reasonably true to the instructions.

I now have a stunted shawl that cannot pretend to provide warmth and toastiness, and my sister’s birthday has come and gone.

I sent her a cookbook.

Every Christmas I fantasize about being a Yuletide superstar: making my own cards, baking elaborate cookies, cooking a vegetarian dinner for twenty of my closest friends, decorating so that every corner is a whimsical fairy-esque delight, and hand making thoughtful beautiful gifts that will bring a tear to the recipient’s eye.

If I were truly smart and organized I’d start my projects in January when I am a shut-in due to the weather, rather than realizing it is Christmas a day before the big event and haphazardly wrapping things with crumpled tissue paper and bits of masking tape.

Next year I will:

• have twinkly fairy lights everywhere like sfgbybay
• make snowflake ornaments and decorate with a deer painting from Domino magazine
• give adorably packaged cookies like the ones from The Small Object
• make a recycled magazine wreath like the one I saw on Happy Mundane-so adorable and what a great way to recycle my magazine habit
• make these lovely branches also from Happy Mundane
• and do pompom decor like I saw on Black Eiffel

Next year I swear it’ll be different.

It is a race against time. My friend and I agreed that we would give each other handmade presents for Christmas this year. Foolishly I decided I’d knit her a pair of arm warmers. We are meeting in two days and the knitting frenzy has begun.

I am not very organized with my handmade endeavours. I always mean to make gifts throughout the year, knit during summer road trips, make homemade preserves in late summer, and bake and freeze treats in the fall. I know Christmas comes every year, yet somehow I am still surprised when it arrives. Like all years I am shocked and dismayed that it is now a week before Christmas. I am in a full on panic.

The first pair I knit seemed a little short, and a little dull. I made them cuter by embroidering a heart, but then I started to think that maybe she’d prefer a green pair since it is her favourite colour, and she’d probably want a longer pair so that she could scrunch them up or stretch them out if she was wearing short sleeves, as if I have the luxury of being thoughtful and caring about colour preferences or her cold arms at this point.

Next year everything will be different. Dammit.