Archive for the 'Travel Adventures' Category

My New Newfoundland Waistline

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

The time has come for desperate measures. I have been getting more and more alarmed by my expanding girth but my fourteen year old boy appetite cannot be tamed. I am not a woman who craves salads, light healthy meals and clean eating. I have the palette of a truck driver and unfortunately I am starting to resemble one.

When planning my recent trip to Newfoundland I was looking forward to eating fish and chips. I ate a form of fried fish and chips every day, sometimes accompanied by a small plastic cup of coleslaw as a token vegetable. Not everyone has the chops for such feats of oil and batter but for my mighty iron stomach it was pure grease induced bliss. My feasts induced a dreamlike trance, akin to what opium den dwellers must experience, with glassy half-lidded eyes and an overwhelming need to recline on silky pillows. I half expected to die of a french fry induced stroke but I would have gone happily, requesting that my greasy ashes be scattered over the crashing waves of the Atlantic. It was a glorious greasy time.

It has to stop. I was at a Dancing With Parkinson’s event last night at a salsa club surrounded by shimmying supermodels in tiny dresses. I chugged gin and tonics in my frumpy sensible skirt, felt the sweat running down the back of my legs, my fried fish barrel gut straining against my Spanx. I capped off the evening by convincing The Sweetie that I needed an eggplant parmesan sandwich to soak up the gin. Obviously the sight of skinny models wasn’t enough motivation to change my fried food proclivities. Nevertheless I woke up this morning with a slight hangover and new resolve. I will reintroduce fruits and vegetables into my life and work towards doing my pants up again.

Newfoundland Love

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

I heart Newfoundland!

Newfoundland is truly magical. Everything was breathtaking, every corner turned was more adorable than the previous one. I listened to fiddle music and watched old couples, young girls and weathered fishermen dance together. I saw moose with their big jowls and dainty legs amble across the road. I met the most charming, genuine, lovely people I have ever encountered. Jagged cliffs protruded out on the crashing Atlantic making everything feel untamed and atmospheric.

At times I felt very dramatic, like I should be clutching a cloak to my chest and wailing for my sailor lover who had been smashed against the rocks. Other times I felt hearty, rosy cheeked and giddy from bracing hikes with the wind whipping in all directions. I passed through picturesque fishing villages with adorable names and quaint colourful homes nestled between the rocks. It was glorious.

The Sweetie and The Sweetie’s sister were delightful travel companions who were forgiving of my pathetic sense of direction, although I do now expect recognition for being an excellent moose spotter.

I didn’t see icebergs, although I drank a lot of local iceberg beer. I was cold every day even when wearing a wool hat and mittens and it was still an amazing trip. That is a sign of a magical place indeed.

Off To Newfoundland!

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

I am off to The Rock! The Sweetie, his equally sweet sister and I are heading to Newfoundland to find icebergs and puffins and fish and chips. Despite my recent resolution to give up eating my scaly friends of the sea,  I am looking forward to eating lots of fish and chips, if only to say good bye.  I’ll be packing my toque like a good Canadian girl and plotting how I can smuggle a puffin home. When I told a friend I was going to Newfoundland he started waxing nostalgic about his recent trip Iceland and how he ATE A PUFFIN. There will be no puffin eating for me, nor will there be flipper pie or cod cheeks, just a blissful week of hiking, soaking up the rugged landscape and sharing lots of laughs with The Sweetie and sweetie sister..

I Heart Beach Vacations

Monday, March 15th, 2010


I have returned from a glorious week of sunshine, booze and buffets and am a more benevolent person as a result. Things were getting a little frightening leading up to my departure. Depleted of sunshine for too long, I had a dark soul and a bleak bleak heart. It is amazing what a little infusion of sunshine will do. It has been blustery and rainy for a couple of days since my return and I haven’t been bothered in the slightest.

Beach vacations are glorious. There was candy coloured brightness everywhere, on the clothes, the flowers and inflatable water toys. The sounds were delightful – the blaring mariachi music, the clickity clack of my flip flops, a deranged rooster who would start crowing incessantly at 3 in the morning, the hypnotic crash of the surf. I was mesmerized by the pelicans that flew like a fleet of freaky pterodactyls. I was charmed by the beach dogs who were gentle and wild at the same time, leaning against my leg for a nice rub behind the ears but looking like they could chew my arm off at any moment.

I loved uninterrupted time with The Sweetie. We invented a new game where he would lift me up in the water and pretend to throw me to the ocean as an offering.

I fell into a rhythm of sleeping when I was sleepy, moving when I felt like moving, and eating when I was hungry which turned out to be all the time. The Sweetie was trying to find out the Spanish word for vacuum as he was sure that that was the waiters’ nickname for me every time I neared the buffet. By mid-week I was using my ever increasing belly as a cup holder and book-rest as it spilled out over my bathing suit.

I came home resembling a barrel, all bloated and boozy. My clothes were straining and tight by the end of the week. I love that I don’t care right now. I am sun kissed, fat and jolly and I have survived another winter.

Beach Bound!

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010


The days are becoming significantly longer, it is less than two weeks before the clocks go forward and less than three weeks before spring officially arrives. All things considered it has been quite a tolerable winter.

Pah! I am taking a beach vacation anyway. I tried to fight the good fight this year, spending a lot of time in front of my lightbox and resolving to be stoic, giving the credit card a much needed break. Who have I been fooling? I need the sun like I need air, water and chocolate. I am the furthest thing from a brave little soldier. I am not brave at all. I have been a monster and for the health and welfare of all, I am carting myself away from this frozen grey tundra and embracing a week of sun, surf and margaritas.

The Sweetie will be spared for a week and will not have to witness me clearing my sinuses with my neti pot on a nightly basis. I will not give him the death stare or burst into inexplicable tears. I won’t wear flannel pajamas for a week, or wear my bathrobe over my clothes or sleep with the hot water bottle. I won’t have fantasies about snapping people’s limbs in half. I will be a salsa-eating benevolent version of myself rather than the spaghetti sandwich eating curmudgeon I have become over the past few months. Surely that is a worthy cause for racking up the credit card bill.

B.C. Bound

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

The Sweetie and I are off to British Columbia for a week to visit family. I am looking forward to smelling the salty air, looking for beach glass and seeing starfish on the shore. It will also be a welcome distraction from my hair obsessions. I had my haircut last week and rather than looking like a gamine urbanite coquette, I fear that I look like Anne Murray growing out her hair to get the Julie Andrew’s circa Sound of Music hair.


I am well aware that such vapid obsessions are vain and go against my daily Zen Buddhist meditation practice, but having bad hair is a heavy burden to bear. I hope some seal sightings and walks on the beach will be enough to distract me.